Getting Clean...

I slipped up again...and I thought I was clean

It's not an addiction, it's just a dirty habit

It keeps me holding on night after night

Because if you give up, you get what you get

So I use it to feel, but I swear I'm clean...

It's not an addiction, it's just something I do

I love to go numb because it's better than the sting 

I like to pretend everything's not crumbling around me
And I tell myself to hold on to see what else life can bring
Then I think to myself "what's the point in being clean?"

It's the feeling that I don't want to be here anymore
But all I really want is to be here
Maybe I can take it if I bite down hard
Gnashing my teeth sort of takes the pain away
But then it comes back when I relax my jaw

Now my nails are scratching the board and holding on for dear life

And I just realized this poem doesn't have any form
But I guess it doesn't matter because no one will read it anyway
It's not like they'll get it even if they do
So now I'm rambling and no one's listening
So I slip up again...so much for getting clean...

I swear I'm still sane...
I promise I'm still good...