Getting Clean...

I slipped up again...and I thought I was clean

It's not an addiction, it's just a dirty habit

It keeps me holding on night after night

Because if you give up, you get what you get

So I use it to feel, but I swear I'm clean...

It's not an addiction, it's just something I do

I love to go numb because it's better than the sting 

I like to pretend everything's not crumbling around me
And I tell myself to hold on to see what else life can bring
Then I think to myself "what's the point in being clean?"

It's the feeling that I don't want to be here anymore
But all I really want is to be here
Maybe I can take it if I bite down hard
Gnashing my teeth sort of takes the pain away
But then it comes back when I relax my jaw

Now my nails are scratching the board and holding on for dear life

And I just realized this poem doesn't have any form
But I guess it doesn't matter because no one will read it anyway
It's not like they'll get it even if they do
So now I'm rambling and no one's listening
So I slip up again...so much for getting clean...

I swear I'm still sane...
I promise I'm still good...

Split Your Heart, Not Your Tongue

This is a song that I wrote almost a year ago while I was sitting in my History of Rock Music class at SUNY Oneonta. To this day I think it's one of the most honest things I've ever written. Although times and feelings have changed since then, I felt like it was something still worth sharing. I thought of the title "Split Your Heart, Not Your Tongue" because I was tired of how we constantly hold our tongue because we're afraid of what others may think instead of pouring our hearts out honestly. Another title for this song could have been "Honesty".

Why did you let her walk alone?
How was she to know she wasn't on her own?
No one ever told her that she was more than enough
So she never even knew mattered

Someone should've told her that it wasn't that bad
Someone should've told her that's not all she had
And if someone told her that she was beautiful
Maybe she'd still be here

Do you know how hard it is to feel a God you can't see?
Do you know how hard it is to feel content when you're lonely?
Faith is an evaporated substance of hope
And trust is something that she'd never known

Someone should've told her that it wasn't that bad
Someone should've told her that's not all she had
And if someone told her that she was beautiful
Maybe she'd still be here

You let them eat her heart & spit it out!!!!
She was never good enough for the world
You should've told her she was more than just a girl

Do you know how hard it is to feel a God you can't see?
Do you know how hard it is to feel content when you're lonely?
Faith is an evaporated substance of hope
And trust is something that she'd never known

So someone should have told her so...