"Not quite a victory to run from your problems
But it's the only plan that I got...
It's the only plan that I got"
I'm sad. Not about a particular thing or situation...just in general. It's not the kind of sad that will go away because today was a good day, it's the kind of sad that's deep rooted and keeps you fixated in one lonely space.
Have you ever felt like everyone was moving on while you were stuck to rot in a dark hole all alone? Maybe you do but even if you don't you could imagine how torturous that feels, so therefore, I'm sad and I'm not sure if there's anything that I could do about it.
I'm not writing this to whine or complain, I'm writing it because I'm sure there are others out there that are just as sad but are too afraid to admit it. Too many times we die alone with our emotions eating away at us because we never say anything about it. Maybe if we said something, something will give...or maybe not.
I'm sad because I'm tied down in a place I no longer want to be in. I'm sad because there are countless curve balls being thrown in my direction at the worst times possible. I'm sad because life keeps on moving at a faster rate than I can even comprehend yet time is moving so slowly. I'm sad because all of my friends are gone and are somewhere happy with sunshine and rainbows and I'm six feet underground with the sound of my own screams.
I'm sad because it's snowing and it's winter; because even when the sun is out, it's cold...because today is Monday and the month is February. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sad because today is another day.
I don't want you to think that I'm ungrateful so I usually never complain but there comes a time when we all need to vent. I guess now I'm looking for an escape route but for some reason I keep coming back full circle. It's like being trapped in an underground dungeon that was made to keep you moving around the same place over and over. When you think you finally see an opening it's just where you started from.
I'm sad because life is a tease and I've been teased enough in my life. Life's a war and so far I've lost every battle. It's a game where the rules are set up for you lose and I can never be okay with that. I tried this thing called hope...but um...yeah.
So basically I'm sad because no one gets that and everyone are throwing empty solutions in my direction. I'm currently trying to come up with a route that will lead to somewhere but instead I just keep writing because there is nothing else that takes my mind away or allows me to think straight. I'm not sure where to start or who to share any ideas with because I'm alone in this. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way but I'm one of the only to confess it in a very public setting.
Maybe this entire blog post is useless. Maybe it'll just be like all of the other times where I say I'm sad but no one actually listens or even tries to understand that. Maybe I'll just get over it by ignoring the feeling like I always do. I'm sad and I thought that someone should know that...
"But time has not been kind.
It's not been kind to me.
It's winding backwards."