Escape Route (Any Suggestions?)

"Not quite a victory to run from your problems
But it's the only plan that I got...
It's the only plan that I got"

  

I'm sad. Not about a particular thing or situation...just in general. It's not the kind of sad that will go away because today was a good day, it's the kind of sad that's deep rooted and keeps you fixated in one lonely space. 

Have you ever felt like everyone was moving on while you were stuck to rot in a dark hole all alone? Maybe you do but even if you don't you could imagine how torturous that feels, so therefore, I'm sad and I'm not sure if there's anything that I could do about it.

I'm not writing this to whine or complain, I'm writing it because I'm sure there are others out there that are just as sad but are too afraid to admit it. Too many times we die alone with our emotions eating away at us because we never say anything about it. Maybe if we said something, something will give...or maybe not.

I'm sad because I'm tied down in a place I no longer want to be in. I'm sad because there are countless curve balls being thrown in my direction at the worst times possible. I'm sad because life keeps on moving at a faster rate than I can even comprehend yet time is moving so slowly. I'm sad because all of my friends are gone and are somewhere happy with sunshine and rainbows and I'm six feet underground with the sound of my own screams.

I'm sad because it's snowing and it's winter; because even when the sun is out, it's cold...because today is Monday and the month is February. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sad because today is another day. 

I don't want you to think that I'm ungrateful so I usually never complain but there comes a time when we all need to vent. I guess now I'm looking for an escape route but for some reason I keep coming back full circle. It's like being trapped in an underground dungeon that was made to keep you moving around the same place over and over. When you think you finally see an opening it's just where you started from. 

I'm sad because life is a tease and I've been teased enough in my life. Life's a war and so far I've lost every battle. It's a game where the rules are set up for you lose and I can never be okay with that. I tried this thing called hope...but um...yeah.

So basically I'm sad because no one gets that and everyone are throwing empty solutions in my direction. I'm currently trying to come up with a route that will lead to somewhere but instead I just keep writing because there is nothing else that takes my mind away or allows me to think straight. I'm not sure where to start or who to share any ideas with because I'm alone in this. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way but I'm one of the only to confess it in a very public setting. 

Maybe this entire blog post is useless. Maybe it'll just be like all of the other times where I say I'm sad but no one actually listens or even tries to understand that. Maybe I'll just get over it by ignoring the feeling like I always do. I'm sad and I thought that someone should know that...

"But time has not been kind.
It's not been kind to me.
It's winding backwards."

It's Here and Now...

It's Here and Now...

It's official! My first novel, "A Tragic Heart" is here and now anyone in almost any part of the world can pick up a copy. I know it's been a while but I've been busy not only with the release of my first novel but also other business excursions. 

I've decided to stop sleeping on myself and do something about my dreams and goals. I never meant for this to sound sappy or mushy but I simply got tired of feeling "average". There are just times when you have to tell yourself "the time is here and now." 

Waiting can turn into "never" and "never" turns into "regret". I never want to feel the regret of not trying. I think as humans we always try to wait for the best times to start pursuing something but waiting can be deadly. Maybe there is no "right" time because there isn't enough time. 

Theoretically we only have about nine years of our lives to do what we want after factoring in the time we use for working and taking care of everything else, so why not start now? For one, I know that I need more than nine years to pursue everything that I envision for myself so I woke myself up and decided to go without waiting for the light to change. Lights are meant to direct traffic and I just want to be in my own lane on my own highway. No time for red or yellow lights...

Am I sure that I know what I'm doing? Do I know if I'm making a mistake? What if it all goes to hell and drags me along for the painful ride? So, what if it does? At least I can regret trying instead of regretting the "what ifs". The truth is, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm learning as I go. I don't know if I'm making a mistake but if I am, I'll learn from it. Life is all about learning and perfection is boring. Where's the excitement in getting it right all of the time? Shouldn't we live for the unexpected? Both bad and good? I think so...

Waiting is mediocrity, second guessing is crippling, and worrying is pointless. I never thought I would be the one saying go for the jump and pray that you take a leap but there comes a time that everyone must change who they are to get to where they are going. Hiding behind waiting or "that right time" is only going to fill you with regret and sorrow. You want to feel better about yourself? Just go for it! 

There will be criticism and you should take the constructive kind, but remain blinded to the negative. Someone will always have something to say and as long as you are happy with your decisions, that is all that matters. Someone will always disagree with you or try to argue their opinion but opinions are like........noses: everybody has one.

Now, of course this also means to use better judgment and to always be rational but also know that thinking for too long will only keep you in that one spot. Thinking only equals progress when you're taking action over your thoughts.

So, let's raise a glass to taking chances! Here's to here and now...

Included are links to the product of my "here and now":

http://www.amazon.com/S.-Elle-Cameron/e/B00FNI34X4

https://www.createspace.com/4217284