Lust You (A Poem From Alex's POV + New Scene From RED)

I've actually been excited to create a poem from Alex's point of view for a while now. Alex is a very interesting character and I think he brings a fullness to RED. He's the antagonist in so many ways but he isn't all bad at the same time. Anyway, Alex gets himself into a pretty nasty situation (I won't give it up) and that's basically what this poem is about. Hope you enjoy it. And if you missed the last poem you can view it here.

I'm one second away from tearing off your clothes

Even though I know much better than this

It's the way your eyes look, the way your hair flows

I want to add you to my list

Isn't it okay if you act older than your age?

I mean, who would know if you don't tell?

Let's give a performance in my room, my bed will be the stage

 I'll buy whatever it is you're willing to sell

And I know this is supposed to be wrong

But I bite my lip and stare anyway

And to think it all started with a simple song

I think today just may be the day

That you forget about him

And let me win

I can't wait to hear the noise you make when I go in

God, this feels too good to be a sin

But you're more to me than just a body and lips

Although, I will admit I love the feel of your hips

When I'm holding you while you tighten your grip

I swear to God you take me on the best trip

I might've gone insane

Because this isn't right

But it's all pleasure, no pain

So I won't even fight

Well, well, well, there's your first taste of Alex Kinsley! Hope you enjoyed what you read. Here's the scene from RED that inspired this little piece. Only a few more weeks until RED's Valentine's Day release!

Alex: Control

It was a stupid decision but I make it anyway. Lust took over and I did something that I thought I could never do. I keep telling myself we’re not even a full eight years apart but it doesn’t make me feel any better. She’s not even eighteen. I knew we’d go this far I just pictured it happening a year from now. She tried so hard to ignore me the entire time we were together and that only made me want her more.

It was the song. Hearing her voice sing lyrics that hit so close to home didn’t help. It’s not just lust, I actually like her but I won’t be able to show it to anyone. I’m not worried too much about her boyfriend because they’re still young. They’re bound to break up eventually, right?

We didn’t speak for the entire car ride. She didn’t even say that she’ll see me later. I sit in my studio alone and roll a joint. God knows I need one. I play her track again and close my eyes as I inhale. I picture everything that happened in full detail from beginning to end. I can’t wait to see her again.

  

Reminisce (A Poem From Jackson's POV + New Scene From RED)

Last week I shorted you guys and didn't give you a poem from a character's POV or a new scene from RED. This week I'm making up for it! This poem comes from Jackson's POV and it's a little out of his character. Anyone who remembers Jackson from A Tragic Heart knows that he has the rep of being the cool brother; the laid back one who Taylor confided in. Well, he's the same person in RED only this time Peyton (Taylor and Peyton's daughter) confides in him instead. Usually he's the upbeat, awesome uncle/brother everyone loves but this poem shows a more somber side to him. It's a side you never see much of and he only lets it out in private. Here's Reminisce:

Sidenote: If you missed the previous poem you can view it here!

In my mind I can see your face so clearly

The years went by but it all still feels the same

I can live an eternity & I'll still miss you severely 

Nothing can replace you, none of my fortune and fame

I gasp for air because you're not here

It's like your memory chokes me until I can't breathe

Losing you was always my biggest fear

Your memory haunts me, I can barely speak

I never thought it would all end like this

You, untouchable, while I suffer in silence

Living everyday is a hit or miss

There's an inner battle, I suffer the violence

Now I sit back and reminisce

Nostalgia sends me into a dark place

I'm so sorry you felt you had to go out like this 

I would give it all just to see your face

And she's dying here without you

But I don't want to place blame

But there's nothing I can do

Nothing was ever the same

I can't breathe without you but I have no choice...

Here's the scene from RED that inspired Reminisce. It's Jackson's inner monologue after he holds a conversation with Peyton. RED is set to be released this Valentine's Day (February 14, 2015)! Any Peyton that is in bold letters refers to the Peyton from A Tragic Heart.

My time with Peyton results in me needing some alone time anyway. My stomach is in knots and there is a huge lump in my throat. I head to my room and lock the door. I close my eyes and exhale trying to make the pain go away but it’s stubborn. It wants to hang around for a little while longer.

Almost seventeen years later and the pain is still as arresting as it was the day I found out. That day when Mason called me to tell me that he found Taylor in a pool of her own blood with a giant knife sticking out of her chest. I didn’t want to believe that she took her own life, as it would have been easier to know that someone else was to blame. I hated blaming my own sister for her death.

I remember it so clearly. I couldn’t speak, my mouth was dry and the lump in my throat prevented me from forming words. This feeling that I am feeling right now is all too familiar.

My brain shut down on me. Taylor was my best friend and to hear Mason tell me that she was no longer with me was my biggest fear. I never imagined a world without Taylor. I’ve tried to several times before but the thoughts were in flashes. I never took the time to ponder how I would go on without her because I knew it would hurt too much.

I was angry. Why wouldn’t she call me like she normally did? Why didn’t she think of me? If she wasn’t going to stay for her baby girl, why not stay for me?

Matt, my bass guitarist had to pull me together. I had a show that night and it was too late to cancel. I had to go on stage in front of thousands of people and try my best to smile. I broke down during every break throughout the set. I guess that moment made me a stronger person because nothing could stop me from performing now. Performing through that circumstance taught me how to play through anything with a smile on my face.

Taylor was too young to take on the responsibilities she placed before herself. She should have enjoyed life as a teenager but I could understand why it was so difficult for her. So many unfortunate things happened to her before she reached her fifteenth birthday. I was her only confidant and when I left to tour after high school, she felt alone. Part of me blamed myself for her problems but I knew I had to live my life too. I just wished that there was something else I could have done. I did my best to stay in contact with her but some days were harder than others. She never understood just how much I loved her. Words weren’t enough.

I would take my own life just to save hers if I had a choice. At the funeral I could barely stand to look at her lying there. I wanted to believe that she was only sleeping and it was some sort of sick joke but my gut reminded me that it was all real. The truth is I almost didn’t show up. Mason forced me to come. I called him the day of the service to tell him that I wasn’t going. Ten minutes later he was at my doorstep forcing me to get ready. He told me that I’d regret it later.

I told him that the thought alone was killing me and I wouldn’t be able to take seeing her in that state. It didn’t make sense to me that I’d never see my little sister again. It didn’t make sense that I’d never hear her voice calling me ever again or that she no longer existed. It didn’t make sense to me that she would take her own life…although it made perfect sense to me.

She loved Peyton more than her own life. She loved him so much that she would choose selfishness over thinking about the ones who still loved her that were here on earth. She couldn’t have thought about what it would have done to me. She mentioned me in her suicide note but it wasn’t enough. She couldn’t tell me to stay strong and that she loved me if she was going to do something so drastic. She didn’t understand and every day I ask God to show her mercy because she didn’t know what she was doing. She wasn’t in her right mind. I ask Him every day to punish me rather than her. I deserve it more than she does. She was good throughout her lifetime. She made one irreversible mistake…just one. I plead all the time for Him to go easy on her. She needed grace more than anyone else I’ve ever come in contact with.

Peyton died in a tragic way. No one could have predicted it and everyone asked “why him?” He was only seventeen and had so much life ahead of him. He was supposed to be right next to me selling out arenas. The kid had undeniable talent that was out of this world. He obviously passed it onto his daughter. I think she’s more like him than Taylor. She has his hair and eyes…it’s almost scary. Anyone who knew Peyton could tell that she was all him. She has some of Taylor’s attitude and slight traits in her personality but her nature was every bit of her dad’s.

Her rebellious temperament, her musical ability, her wild ways are all Peyton. He slowed down a lot after meeting Taylor. In many ways she saved him too. Taylor always credited Peyton for her happiness but he claimed that he was a changed man because of her. He gave up his heavy drinking, drug use, partying and women just for her. He told me all about his past life before Taylor while we were on tour. In fact, his past life was eerily similar to his daughter’s present life.

We became really good friends and I looked forward to having him as a brother-in-law. I already saw him as the brother I never had. Damn, Peyton if you never left, Taylor would still be here and if Taylor was still here your daughter would be okay.

There’s no time to play the blaming game. All is how it is and there’s no changing that. We have to learn how to deal with the present without falling down…and if we fall we need to learn how to pick ourselves up. If not for ourselves, for someone who cares about us. I wish Taylor would have known that. I wish I would have told her that the day I visited her a little after Peyton was born. Maybe those words could have saved her life. She always thought highly of my opinions and advice.

The pain that I’m feeling isn’t showing any signs of letting up anytime soon. My thoughts race a 

million miles per hour leaving me sitting at the edge of my bed with tears falling from my eyes. And the pain never goes away...

Mistakes (A Poem From Adalyn's POV + New Scene From RED)

Another week, another poem and scene from RED. Being that it's New Year's Eve, I think a poem about making mistakes and trying to learn and get better from them will be appropriate. We all have something we want to work out for the New Year. This poem is from Adalyn's point of view. It's called Mistakes. If you missed the poem from last week you can view it here.

Mistakes are lessons

Mistakes are certain

But it's always ugly revealing what's behind the curtain

He wasn't ready for it

Neither was I

But I caused it and left us to die

Mistakes are normal

Mistakes cause heartache

But I didn't mean for his heart to break

He was never there

And I was lonely

In my heart, he's my one and only

I did something that I can't take back

 There's no way of erasing the facts

But where's forgiveness when you need it?

I wait by the phone and I sit and sit

Mistakes are things we all must make

Mistakes are the things that raises the stakes

They test you when things are low

They make sure things are never the same

Mistakes cause you to remember you're the one to blame

I'm tired of pointing fingers

I just want us to be us again

But the trials from my mistake won't ever end

You left me all alone

And I may deserve it

But let's not act like you were perfect

You dreamed about her while you were awake

I was second best and that's what I can't take

You put me last when I should've been first

You buried me with her in the dirt

Now I'm done with pointing fingers

I just want to make you see

That I wasn't the only one who did something ugly

You raised her from the dead

While I was alive

So I made a mistake...that I can't deny

Here's the scene from RED that inspired Mistakes. Remember RED will be out this Valentine's Day.

“Adalyn, what’s going on?” he says frantically.

“I don’t know what happened but Lila said-”  I began to speak in my weak voice before he interrupts.

“Where were you when this happened? Why don’t you know what happened?” He raises his voice.

“Um, Mason I know you’re upset but you may want to tone it down a little,” Peyton warns as she touches his shoulder.

He takes a deep breath and I decide it’s a safe time to speak.

“Look Mason, I know that you’re upset and you have so many reasons to be right now. It was a lapse in judgment on my part and-”

“Yeah, Adalyn you’ve been having a lot of those lately, haven’t you?” he snaps at me.

I look at Peyton whose face tells me how sorry she is for everything. I don’t know what to say to him. Everything I say to him is going to be wrong.

“I’ll stay here just in case someone comes out with news on Ryan. I’ll let the nurse know that I’m here with you guys. You two should head outside and talk this out,” she offers in the kindest way possible.

Mason seems hesitant about her suggestion but eventually obliges. I follow behind him like a lost puppy and can’t help but think how much I’ve missed him.

“Now will you let me explain?” I ask the moment we reached outside the hospital’s entrance.

“Go ahead,” he responds coldly.

“I let the kids play outside for a while so I could get a few things together around the house. I had no one there to watch them so I told Lila to look out for her brothers being that she’s the oldest. Everything was fine. After I finished cleaning up and making sure everything was in order I looked at the time and saw that it was time for them to eat lunch. Before I went to the kitchen I went to the backyard to check on them and told them that it was time for them to come inside. I only left for a few minutes. I honestly don’t know what happened in that short time span but I heard screaming from the kitchen so I ran as fast as I could and-” I try to hold back my tears but I’m not strong enough.

My words strangle me causing my voice to become inaudible. I swallow harshly and struggle to finish my sentence. Mason shows no signs of sympathy.

“That’s when I saw it. Ryan was floating face down in the pool. I immediately pulled him out and started CPR. Lila said she wasn’t paying attention and he and Nick were running around the pool. Nick said they wanted to see who could make the biggest splash by diving in and Ryan went first. Nick said it took him a while to come up and when he did he wasn’t moving. They know they can’t swim, I just don’t understand why they would do something like this,” I finish while wiping my tears away from my eyes.

“I know why. Because they’re kids Adalyn! That’s why you should be watching them at all times! Why would you let them play outside by themselves? Especially the backyard! You know we never let them back there alone! How could you be so God damn stupid and careless?”

“You know what, Mason? Maybe if I had some help this wouldn’t have happened! Maybe if you’d come home sometime I wouldn’t have to deal with things like this! I made a mistake and I’m so sorry! It won’t happen again!” I shout back.

“You’re damn right it won’t happen again Adalyn because I’m getting custody of my children! I didn’t want life to change for them too drastically but this stunt that you pulled leaves me no choice at all. I’m calling my lawyer first thing in the morning!”

Something comes over me. I’m not sure what it is but it takes over my entire body. I’ve never felt anger rise inside of me so quickly. He wants to challenge me for my children. This is what we’ve come to.

I draw my hand back and smack him harder than I thought I could. The left side of his face turns red in an instant. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel sorry.

“What the fuck?!” he shouts loud enough for the entire parking lot to hear.

“If you think that you’re going to take my children away from me and I won’t fight you, you have another thing coming to you, Mason! I made one mistake by cheating on you but you don’t get to take it out on them! What happened today could have happened if either one of us was watching them. Don’t try to make me sound like a bad parent when I was the one who practically raised them while you were always away working somewhere or obsessing over your dead ex-wife!” I state pointing my index finger at him as if I’m reprimanding a child.

“You have no right to talk to me this way, Adalyn,” he says in a much deeper tone.

Mason can be scary when he’s angry but I don’t let it bother me. I have to show him that I’m capable of being stronger than him.

“You’re an asshole, Mason! You want to know why I’ve been so side tracked lately? It’s because of you. It’s because you won’t talk to me or even look at me! It’s because you’re not even man enough to confront what happened between us. Instead you want to run away as if that’s going to fix things. Well it’s not! You ran away from Taylor, you ran away from Peyton, and now you’re running away from your family. Stop running and learn to deal with the cards given to you! Whether you like it or not you need to come back home so we can settle things like adults. You can keep your new fancy condo just in case you decide we can’t make it. I really don’t give a damn about the decisions you make anymore, Mason, but at least respect your family enough to decide together. You may not want me right now and it’s completely okay with me because at this moment I’m not sure if I want to be with you either!”

Before he can speak another word Peyton comes out to tell us that the doctor would like to see us. I don’t wait for Mason to make a move. Instead I quickly walk back into the entrance of the hospital ignoring everything else around me. Mason can rot in hell for all I care. He’s not going to get away with trying to take my babies away from me. They are all I have left.

 

Battered and Shattered (A Poem From Peyton's POV + New Scene From RED)

It's another week which means it's time for another poem from a character's point of view. This time I'm choosing to write a poem from the point of view of the main character in RED. This is a poem by Peyton (Taylor and Peyton's daughter) after she has an altercation with one of her beaus. It's called Battered and Shattered. If you missed the poem from last week from Mason's POV, you can check it out here.

Sitting on the hard, cold ground alone

Scared, battered and shattered

I don't know who I am

I have no one to call

And the night is black

I'm just scared, battered and shattered

They're asking me questions

That I don't have the answers to

Alone, battered and shattered

My tears do the talking for me

Words won't come out my throat

I'm alone, battered and shattered

I've made my mistakes

But do I deserve this?

 Confused, battered and shattered

My blood runs red

And my mind is running wild

I'm confused, battered and shattered 

"Tell me your name"

"Do you have any family?"

Just leave me battered and shattered

I've come this far on my own

No one to guide me

He left me battered and shattered

Here's the scene from RED, Battered and Shattered was inspired by. Hope you enjoy it and remember RED will be released this Valentine's Day!

I don’t recognize myself. It’s more than that bad. It’s horrific. I become speechless and let my tears do the talking for me. I want to let something out. I want words to come out of my mouth. Suddenly, I hear screaming, a female’s voice that echoes through the night. It takes me a while to figure out that it’s my own. I can’t believe he did this to me.

The police and ambulance arrive as Robyn tries her best to console me. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. I must be dreaming. An officer and a paramedic run up to me and bombard me with questions that I can’t answer right then. The paramedic walks me over to the ambulance and sits me in the back of the truck. He shines a light on my face and gently touches it.

“The most we can do is treat these wounds. You have a contusion on the upper left corner of your face but you’ll heal. Let’s get you to the hospital. You’ll need X-rays and the police can take your report there. Do you have anyone we can call?”

I nod my head yes and he calls the police officer over to the truck. They all look so sympathetic. I wonder if they all have daughters and are imagining what if this happened to them. I’m afraid to witness what Mason would do.

“I’m going to need a phone number, your mom or dad?” the officer says trying not to look too concerned.

“I don’t have a mom or a dad, just cousins.” I speak lowly in a monotone voice.

“I’m going to need someone’s number,” he replies.

“I tried to call Adalyn. She’s my cousin’s wife but she didn’t pick up.”

“What about your cousin?” he asks now seeming concerned.

“He’s in California on business.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what. Give me both of their numbers and I’ll try my best to contact them.”

I give the officer all of my information and he says he’ll follow me to the hospital to get the report after I’ve been fully examined. I lie back on the stretcher as the ambulance drives away from the dark and lonely street that has drops of my soul scattered on it.

I try to close my eyes but every time I do I see the image of Marcus. I’m not a crier but lately my emotions seem to be taking control of me. The ride is silent and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. How do I fix this? How do I walk into school? What will Mason and Adalyn think? God, I don’t want all of these answers at one time because that means there will be problems to go along with it.